Pages

Hello!


I have been blown away by the comments, and private messages I have received since I sent out the link. I sent it to a few, then a few more. Then others were sending it on. I thank you and am humbled that you would still be interested in this journey. Everyone has been so supportive. Many of you mentioned different conversations that we have had in the past and I am still very thankful that Graham's life has impacted so many. A few of you mentioned that you were going to try to live a little more "Out Loud". I would love to know what you are doing to accomplish that so keep me informed.


Now I am going to do one more thing, more for me than for you. I am going to try to explain the getting behind thing. While I am explaining my take on it, I hope it also helps you understand why I have, for lack of a better word, retreated.

It's funny how I categorize my life now. I can't say I ever did this before, but I do now. I have the life before Graham got sick, his remission and relapse, and after he died. Those are my categories. Units of my life story. In those units are chapters and pages. We all have these units, chapters and pages. If you are very lucky in life you find friends that have similiar chapters. Similiar pages. You may get really lucky and have a bunch of these people. The latter is my case.

I can not tell you the people out there, reading this, that I consider a friend. Those people I know I can call right now, whether I have talked to you lately or not, who would be here in 10 minutes no matter what it was I needed. Most people have a few, I have bunches! And I could never tell you, or show you in this lifetime, but my thanks is as heartfelt as my grief.

Okay back to our books of life.....
My last chapter was when Graham died. My book stopped. Sure I have had some good times, some great times since then, but my book stopped being written from my perspective. I have just been waiting patiently for Jesus to come get me. I have not turned a page in 2 years. I am not beating myself up over this. I think its just what can happen.

So while my book was earmarked on that last chapter, you all continued writing. Boy have you been writing and printing and writing some more.

Some of you have gone through life-changing events yourselves, writing unbelievable chapters and pages. Some happy, some sad. Living lives that I am privelaged to even be a part of.

With all that said, and now that I have you on my page for a minute, let me tell you that catching up with the world is hard. It may be impossible. I am going to try and I believe that the next unit will be an adventure only God could give.


Recently God has opened up my book again, titled a new chapter and handed me the pen. He is telling me that no matter what page we are on, if we wait for others to be on that same page, we may never get another chapter. No matter how hard it is you have to keep writing the pages so you can close one chapter and move on to the next. I believe that is what this is about for me. I pray God uses it for His glory in some way. Without Him there would be no more pages.

So, I am going to the best of my ability, with His help, begin to write a sentence. I will commit to a sentence. I am hoping that the sentences flow together to finish a paragraph. I think the more paragraphs we are willing to write for God the better the book! I am very happy so many of you still want to be a part of my book!



Thanks again for "hearing me".

Living out loud!
Kathy

Genesis 50:20

Why Not?

Okay, I guess I will start by saying I have been thinking about doing this for a year and looking at this blank page for a month. What motivated me to finally type something and hit send? A friend I have never met and a friend I haven't seen in 2 years.

After Graham died, a little over two years ago, I had a friend comment how much they were going to miss the care page updates I did for everyone. She even said to me "why not write a blog or something... Kathy's Inspirations....?" She may read this and remember that encounter. If you do, my friend, know that I never forgot it! At that time I really thought I was done with this page keeping stuff. Well, I guess God has another plan because I have "Stuff" I still need to say about this journey that our family is on.

Its taken two years to start because:

1. My world stopped spinning
2. Yours didn't

Can you imagine trying to catch up with everyone after two years?

Well, here I am I think. Maybe.... okay lets face it, I am not sure where I am or where I am going but I know it includes this blog.
This super special blog... Grahams Magic

I will anchor this blog with the scripture that I ended Graham's care page with.

Genesis 50:20 "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
That was Graham. That is definitely magic. Now you get the name of the page!

What it will be about is unwritten. I hope it will be whatever you need at the moment. I think God works that way so I will trust that He will lead my words when I post.

I am embarking on a new adventure with a friend, I call her a friend, we have never met... shes kind of like a pen pal. Funny I know. God? Absolutely! I can't give details on the adventure, its still in the baby phase. I think God is going to do some supernatural growth though so it shouldn't be long.

You can thank her when I finally hit the publish button at the bottom of my screen!

I was relaying a thought to her about grief. Why would I want to stay in a place that is so painful? Why would I not be doing everything to move forward? Of course, my grief is not every ones, but we all have pain we can relate to this. My answer to the Why was.... I don't move forward because I have already done the hardest most challenging thing I could do. I lost a child. I navigate that everyday which is challenge enough don't you think? I know at the end of some, most days, I am physically and emotionally exhausted from the navigation. What more can be accomplished? I am just waiting my turn now! That is my thought process... not a bad process to me. The problem lies in how far behind you get. The fact you stop looking for anything.....let alone another challenge. (That is another post by the way.)

My pals response was very simple and very true. Why Not? She mentioned that along with that loss, I lost my fear. The worst has happened. What is there to be scared of? I have never thought of myself as fearless but you know what? I am! I absolutely live without the fear of tomorrow. What is the worse case scenario? I die and go be with Graham?

This doesn't mean I live reckless. I would love to hang glide again but I will not be jumping out of a plane. That to me is just craziness. I do want to see my grandchildren one day. What it does mean is, if I have already done the hardest thing I could ever do, what is stopping me from doing my life? I can do anything! Surely I can do this!
So here we go....

This brings us to the fact that in a second I am going to have to hit that publish button and begin this adventure......
I hope you will continue on this journey with me.
Why?????
Why Not?

Living out loud!
Kathy
Genesis 50:20